It's just not fair

I don't know if I'm just having a rough day or not. All I feel like doing is crawling into bed and crying and not getting back out. I guess I'm just frustrated with all this trying to conceive stuff. All I want is to be a mommy. Why does that have to be so hard. I miss knowing that I'm growing a little person inside of me. I want to be able to feel the first kick, feel him/her move around inside. I'll take all the negative for the positive that comes in the end. I hate how everyone else seems to get pregnant at the drop of a hat. I'm  1 day late but so far is all been negative tests. I try to talk to Roy but I just can't get the words out. He is absolutely wonderful and has been my rock, but I feel like I'm pulling him down if I am upset and I hate it. I just want to feel normal mentally again. Can I go a whole 2 weeks without crying? I'm afraid I'm almost out of tears.

Thoughts and tears

I sit here wondering and crying. Sometimes I just don't get it. I tried so hard for a little one. I did everything I was supposed to..ate right, didn't drink, took my vitamins and I still lost my little one. Yet I can see little miss teenager walk around pregnant with no problem, listen to people complain how they are tired of the baby keeping them up at night. Oh what I would give to have that. It's so hard to want something so bad and not be able to have it. Why does it have to be so hard. I start Clomid tomorrow. I am really hoping that it does the trick and helps me to get what I desire. When the doctor told me there was a chance of multiples I didn't even care. To me that isn't a side effect. If anything it would be a blessing to have two.

Thank god Roy has been by my side through all of this. I don't know what I would do without him. I know I have to be driving him crazy and he has been nothing but a godsend. I couldn't have made it through this miscarriage without him. He is my rock and my knight in shining armor. I know I can be moody and difficult to deal with at times but he is there with his shoulder and arms wrapped around me whenever I need it. I love him more than he may ever realize, but I am sure he probably knows that. I only hope that one day I can give him another child to love.